Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Im part way to drunk.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
