Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
