So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
if only i could text you this smell
No subtext here. People are naked.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
