The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I did not marry a roomba.
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