After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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