I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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