fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
