well I can't set my house on fire every night
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
