apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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