I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
