and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I wannas sexs uuuuu
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
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