i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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