So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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