My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
