Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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