What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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