His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
