I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
