The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
