i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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