I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I will be naked everywhere
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
