last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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