she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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