I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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