What did we do last night that was yellow?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
