please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
