seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
