I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
