Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
