Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
she peed on how many people?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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