What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
