i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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