Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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