i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Randomize