i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
