i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
