But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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