Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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