well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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