I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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