I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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