Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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