I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Less talking, more tequila
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize