i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
