apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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