does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
