sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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