I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
