They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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