Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
My ass is underappreciated
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
