It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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