never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
