butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
