This is not my ceiling
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
