If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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