I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
We are two peas in an std pod
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
