When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
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