My friends, they love my intelligence
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
