someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
