i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Found the puke drawer
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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