i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
