i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
do herpes really smell.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
