I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
