She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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