i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
