Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
