The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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