You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
