For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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