I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
